I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
