I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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