how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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