but the lizard people decide everything anyway
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
