bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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