I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
