Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
