i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
