brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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