I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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