FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
