you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
