Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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