SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We were destined to go to rehab together
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
