Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
