you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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