You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
