YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
