Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
