i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
