I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
