You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
