O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We had to coat check the pizza.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
