i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
