dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
