is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
