Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He kissed a someone with a penis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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