i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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