it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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