I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
