i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
NoShamevember. You game?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
