so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
