he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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