He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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