i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm both gender and math confused
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
