What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So. Much. Porn.
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