i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
