Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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