How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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