The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
