why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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