I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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