He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
