i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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