The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
