No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Randomize
