you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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