i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
