i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
