im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do herpes really smell.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
